you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
