Ambien. No doubt about it.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
