You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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