Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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