i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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