i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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