We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
