i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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