90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
