No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
