She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
