I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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