i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
