I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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