Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
