I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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