I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
