My room smells like vodka and shame
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
