I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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