vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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