u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
