Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
