I wanna passion pit in your ass
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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