we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
