All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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