you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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