Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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