What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
