i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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