I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
