youre lurking in front of me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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