Soap is not a condiment
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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