when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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