you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
