My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
