She is in my trunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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