You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
