I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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