PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
