He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
