he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
