Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I AM VODKA MAN
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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