Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
