i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
