i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
