So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
