the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
