I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
