Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She bit a glass in half.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
