It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
